An Officiant’s Guide on How to Write Your Wedding Vows

Writing your own vows? It’s the ultimate way to add a personal, heartfelt touch to your wedding that no one else can replicate.

But if you’re staring at a blank Google Doc wondering how to write wedding vows that don’t sound like an awkward eighth-grade speech… you’re not alone.

Hi, I’m Matt Dallow, your resident accordion-playing minister at Eloping Is Fun.

I am, in fact, the world’s only accordion-playing minister (and, yes, I have Googled that… many times). At this point in my career, I’ve probably officiated more than three hundred weddings. I like to say I “make people cry for a living.” 😂 It’s the best job in the world.

I get asked a lot about how to go about writing vows. Often enough that I figured it was time to write an official statement on the subject. Out of the many weddings I’ve officiated, I’d say about 70% of marrying couples choose to write their own vows.

Here’s the good news: there are many tools available to help you figure out just what to say to your future spouse.

First, think about what you love about them. Then, hop on over to ChatGPT, plug in all those special memories and your spouse-to-be’s endearing qualities as “prompts,” and let artificial intelligence do the heavy lifting.

Yes, while the “intelligence” might be artificial, the love is still real… right?

I’m kidding again, don’t do that!! (Don’t mind my cynical Native NY-er humor 😂)

The simple truth is, the best vows come from your heart.

Let’s make it easy. Here’s a simple 3-step framework to help you nail it.

Start With the Feels

Begin by addressing them, who they are, and what they mean to you.

• Think about the little things that make your partner unique. What drew you in? What keeps you hooked?
• Maybe it’s the way they laugh, their cute obsession with plants, or how they always bring you snacks when you’re binge-watching true crime docs on Netflix.

Next, Share a Moment

Draw on special moments and how your partner makes you feel. Add in some anecdotal stories and musings from the early days of your courting.

• The best stories are personal, not generic! You want your partner to be nodding along and thinking, “Yep, that’s us.”
• Think back to those moments that made your heart skip a beat – maybe that spontaneous road trip where you both got lost and ended up in the coolest diner, or the time they went all-in for your dream without hesitation.

Finally, It’s Time For the Promises

Sure, you’ve got the classic “I promise to love and cherish you, in sickness and in health.” But let’s also make this personal. Make it you. Because your words will mean the world to your partner.

Here are a few fun ideas to get started:

• “I promise to wash the dishes… or let you binge-watch SVU (even though we both know it hasn’t been the same since Detective Munch left).”
• “I promise to laugh at your jokes even when they don’t quite land. I know, you need that win after a long day!”
• “I promise to make you coffee when you need it, even if it’s 6 a.m. and I’m barely awake myself.”
• “I promise to help you find your keys when they’re always exactlywhere you left them, even though you swear they disappear on their own.”
• “I promise to hold your hand through the chaos… and to let you have the last slice of pizza (most of the time).”

Here’s the secret: It’s not about perfection, it’s about connection.

If your vows sound like you and speak directly to your partner, you’ve already nailed it.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to cry.

The reading of the personal vows is a special moment, where there’s a break from my banter and all eyes are on you and your partner. At this point in the ceremony, your spouse-to-be now has your undivided attention. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to cry. I’ll usually be ready with tissues for you. I’ve witnessed personal vows that have made me cry and made me laugh.

I hope this sheds a little light on the subject for all of you out there getting ready to put a ring on it. I look forward to meeting you, hearing your stories, witnessing your vows, perhaps serenading you with a romantic melody on the ole’ squeezebox, and just being a part of your special day.

I’ll leave you with a compilation of some of our favorite vows at Eloping Is Fun:

Paula and Malorie – Eloped at Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn

“I wrote my vows in the form of a poem. I take you Paula to be my wife, I promise to love you for the rest of my life. I primise to place you at the center of my Universe, and then when you’re sick I’ll even be your nurse. I’ll make you scrambled eggs in the morning, and I won’t ever forget the reason I gave you this ring. I’ll bring you Oreos and milk to ease your mind, I’ll always cherish you because you’re one of a kind. I’ll still love you when th seasons change, we’ll get chickens, they’ll be free range.”

David and Luke – Eloped at the Artists Loft

“I am so grateful you were there every step of the way with me patiently as I went through my coming out journey to my family, so that I could live my true authentic self with them. Your words of encouragement and support were the very things keeping me going… And I promise I will be patient with you even if you wanna watch Fire Island or Bad Teacher for the hundredth time this year, because it never feels repetitive when I’m spending time with you.”

Chloe and Matt – Eloped at the New York Public Library

“To my dearest darling, standing here with you today in the city that we love, surrounding our close friends and family to start our new chapter as husband and wife, is right where we are meant to be. Life with you is already as perfect as it could possibly be, and the best decision I ever made was saying yes to you all those years ago.”

Farrah and Daniel – Eloped in Central Park

“Daniel, who knew that seven years ago at a quiet boy with blue eyes from across the office, would turn out to be my life partner, the love of my life and my person? From the very first date till no, you’ve always treated me like Disney princess. I never could’ve dreamt that we’d get engaged in New York City four years ago, never mind getting married here today. Someone once told me that ‘when you know… you know,’ and I was so skeptical. But instantly when we met, you hit me like a lighting bolt and that feeling has never went away or wavered once.”