An Officiants Guide to Writing Your Wedding Vows

Guides

Vows. What are they? Sure, everyone’s heard vows are a part of a wedding ceremony, but do you know what they entail and what you should be trying to relay to your betrothed?

I’m Matt Dallow, your resident accordion-playing minister at Eloping Is Fun.

I am, in fact, the world’s only accordion-playing minister (and, yes, I have googled that . . . many times). At this point in my career, I’ve probably done nearly three hundred weddings. I like to say I “make people cry for a living.” Its the best job in the world.

While it’s not a requirement to write your own vows, doing so always adds a special and personal tough to your already special day.

I get asked a lot about how to go about writing vows. Often enough that I figured it was time to write an official statement on the subject. Out of the many weddings I’ve officiated, I’d say about 70% of marrying couples choose to write their own vows.

Many tools are available to help you figure out what to say to your future spouse. Think about what you love about them. Then go to ChatGPT.com. The special moments and memories you’ve shared and your spouse-to-be’s endearing qualities are now considered “prompts” by the forces of artificial intelligence. Yes, the intelligence here might be artificial, but the love is still real . . . I’m kidding again; don’t do that!! (ps don’t mind my cynical Native NY-er humor )

The best advice I can give is to speak from the heart. Here are some ideas that might help you to find the right words:

Add in some anecdotal stories and musings on special moments from the early days of your courting.
Draw on special moments and how your partner makes you feel.
Start with addressing them, who they are, and what they mean to you.

The first thing you want to do is think about what you love about them

Your words will mean so much to your partner.

From here you can go into what you are vowing to them:

You promise to be there for them.
You promise to love and cherish them.
You promise to wash the dishes or let them binge-watch SVU (even though it hasn’t been the same since Detective Munch left).
You promise to support them and laugh at their jokes . . . even if a particular joke isn’t Top-10-Joke material, and they probably should’ve workshopped it a little more, but you know they need the laugh after a long day of work.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to cry.

The reading of the personal vows is a special moment, where there’s a break from my banter and all eyes are on you and your partner. At this point in the ceremony, your spouse-to-be now has your undivided attention. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to cry. I’ll usually be ready with tissues for you. I’ve witnessed personal vows that have made me cry and made me laugh.

I hope this sheds a little light on the subject for all of you out there getting ready to put a ring on it. I look forward to meeting you, hearing your stories, witnessing your vows, perhaps serenading you with a romantic melody on the ole’ squeezebox, and just being a part of your special day.

I’ll leave you with a compilation of some of our favorite vows at Eloping is Fun.

1. David and Luke – Elopement at the Artists Loft

“I am so grateful you were there every step of the way with me patiently as I went through my coming out journey to my family so that I could live my true authentic self with them, your words of encouragement and support for the very things keeping me going. And I promise I will be patient with you even if you wanna watch Fire Island or Battee Dritter for the hundred times this year because it never feels repetitive when I’m spending time with you.”

2. Chloe and Matt – Elopement at the NYPL

“To my dearest darling, standing here with you today in the city that we love, surrounding our close friends and family to start our new chapter as husband and wife, is right where we are meant to be. Life with you is already as perfect as it could possibly be in the best decision I ever made was saying yes to you all those years ago.”

3. Farrah and Daniel – Elopement in Central Park

“Daniel, who knew that seven years ago at a quiet boy with blue eyes from across the office, we turn out to be my life partner, the love of my life and my person. From the very first date till now you’ve always treated me like Disney princess. I never could’ve dreamt that we’d get engaged in New York City four years ago never mind getting married here today. Someone once told me that “when you know….you know,” and I was so skeptical but instantly when we met, you hit me like a lighting bolt and that feeling has never went away or wavered once”